Slow Down

It's over three years now and I've learned many things from my divorce, not the least of which is to slow down.

If there's was one single piece of advice I could give men who are products of a divorce, it would be to slow down. As men, we're already viewed as the aggressive party. If you blow your nose in court, the bailiff motions toward his gun. And as men, we have to stop wasting our time complaining about the unfair rules in this game, and start learning how to play this game to win, in spite of the unfair rules.

Don't be so quick to speak. This is going to sound silly, but you almost have to assume the role of the victim. Others have to be able to clearly perceive that you're the civilized party in all of this. But the second you lose control and allow yourself to become enraged, you're done. Stay in control of yourself. Don't raise your voice and certainly don't raise your hand. Talk in a monotone voice with little vocal variety.

You have to teach yourself how to slow the situation down in your mind so that you will not simply react. When you fail to slow down, your reaction will likely be improper and paint you in a negative light once again.

I've found that when I close my eyes and breathe slowly for a second or two, I'm able to re-center myself or refocus myself. If situation is really intense, I may need a little longer to say a very quick prayer. Either way, I make sure to slow down before I speak or act. Sometimes, I have to slow down for a day or two, or three even. Not everything requires an immediate response. Just slow down, and you'll be amazed at how few things really bother you. Most things are not worthy of the energy you're giving them. Make life easier on yourself and take some time to slow down.