All Eyes on Me

Every dad who has gone through or is currently in a custody battle with his child's mother completely understands the statement that all eyes are on him.

Unless the mother is guilty of some gross misconduct, no one is concerned with her. In fact, I've had professionals tell me that they have left children in the care of a mother who was a "functioning" addict. What this means is that the mother is a known, positive testing drug addict. However, she is considered to be responsible. She will bring her children to a responsible (used loosely) adult who is not using and leave the children in their care until she is finished. Once done, she will return and pick up her children. The children never see their mother under the influence. The mother is viewed as responsible and is therefore, allowed to maintain custody of her kids.

However, if a man so much as looks at a can of beer wrong, he's not fit to be around his kids. And if he's allowed around them, he's certainly not allowed to be around them without supervision.

This is one of the many inequalities that First Heroes has set out to correct. The playing field is not level. All eyes should be on both parents for the sake of the children. I have this fairy tale idea that children should have their own, state funded, attorneys. These attorneys would represent the children - period.

In a conversation with my attorney once, she was sure to remind me that I have to show good faith at all times. I understand and appreciate her desire to help me, but is it really fair? No, and we all see it. As a Dad, I have to nearly walk on water. If I get upset one time, or give the slightest hint that I'm not being cooperative, then the tables turn against me and I'm against the ropes. I instantly become viewed as "aggressive" and uncooperative. I'm told that I'm the hindrance to the process and that I'm the only one to blame for how slow things are moving. Really?!

Unfortunately, Dads, this is where we really are right now in our country. Therefore, it is absolutely true that all eyes are on you - and just you. You had better me mindful of this reality. You would want to proceed with caution in everything you do, because the slightest wrong move could cost you BIG. Until the playing field is leveled, all eyes will continue to be on us. We have to learn how to make ourselves look like the amazing Dads we truly are. We must learn how to use this tactic, that's designed to keep us from our kids, as a tool that will draw our kids closer to us. First Heroes helps Dads learn how to do this in a very strategic and genuine way. Welcome to the community.