Custody Villains

Of course we all know that for every hero there's at least one villain. However, in family court, it's not always so easy to determine who's a villain.

Wouldn't it be nice if things were clear and obvious like in the magical world of Disney? Why don't the villains in family court wear a sign, or a badge, or a name tag, or simply dress like a villain? Okay, I'll admit, I have seen some who do dress like villains - whether it's intentional or not I do not know. But if it were obvious, then we would all know who's helping us and who's working against us.

I remember one of my court appearance where I was trying to determine who was a villain and who was an ally. I was representing myself against the DAs office or the state and my ex wife who was accompanied by her private attorney. There I stood, straight in front of the judge, with the DA's attorney on my left and my ex and her attorney to my right. And over in the corner sat two representatives from DCFS.

I began to argue my case that there was a credit in overpayments that was due to me. At first, everyone, including the judge, was saying that I was mistaken. I persisted until I ultimately won my case. However, had it not been for a couple of key players, things would have gone very differently.

First, the DA's attorney played his part. What was his part? To remain neutral, professional, unbiased, and respectful. Next, one of the ladies from DCFS stood up and boldly declared to the judge that three wonen from their office all told me previously and on separate occasions tha all credits had already been applied and there was nothing else that needed to be or could be done. Obviously wrong. Obviously a villain. However, the other lady stood up shortly afterwards and, in so many words, told the judge that something needs to be done today. The judge was ready to send me back to the DCFS office to talk with them about the same thing some more. However, this second lady gently informed the judge that sending me back to them would not solve anything.

You have to play this game slowly and properly idenfify the characters in the story. Not everyone is a villain. You will need allies, even if they're an ally just for doing their jobs properly and effectively. Not everyone is working against you, although I understand it sometimes looks and feels that way. However, if you're unable to recognize and distinguish the villains from your allies, you will trust no one and attack everyone, which will ultimately negatively impact you, your case, and possibly even your relationship with your children.