Who's the Better Parent?

In custody battles, you'll often hear one side argue that the other parent is somehow unfit to parent and raise their child. And because the parent is unfit, the child should not spend extended period of time alone in that person's care. The undertone of such an argument, of course, is that the person making the argument sees him or herself as a "better parent."

When that plan to gain sole custody the child fails, the parent who wanted full custody becomes bitter about it. That parent is mad with their attorney for not arguing their case better. That parent is mad with the judge for not ruling the way they wanted. This bitterness and frustration leads them to resort to Plan B.

Many parents eventually find themselves in competition with the other parent for months or even years. Since the parent could prove to the court that they are the better parent, they certainly can at least convince the child that they are.

Never use your child as a pawn in a ridiculous & futile battle you have going on with the other parent.

One parent often is always trying to "one up" the other parent. The father takes the child fishing, next week, the mom takes him to the aquarium. The mom buys the child a 12-inch action figure, the dad buys the 3-foot version of the same character, along with all the supporting characters. Dad buys an X-Box with 3 games for the child, mom gets an X-Box and a Playstation with 12 games each. It's ridiculous!

STOP THE MADNESS!

If you're currently competing with the other parent, cut it out. It's a waste of time and money. What's worse is that your child recognizes what's going on. Today, he will use it to his benefit and just milk it for all it's worth. However, as he gets older, he will realize that none of that was about him - it was all about the two of you trying to jock for position. A position that you already have in his heart. But that's not enough for "the better parent." Oh no. They want a position in the child's mind. A position that puts them ahead of the other parent. This is very sick and twisted. It's not healthy for the child, and it will one day cause the child to question your motives.

If your child's mother is always trying to one up you, just remember that she can never be you. She can never replace you. It's a settled fact that you are the child's father. What the mom doesn't realize is that it's not the stuff that the child wants or cares about. What the child wants most and cares about most is you - his Dad. He wants your time, your attention, your affection. If you only give your child sticks to play with, but you play with him, he will be just as excited. Therefore, it's futile to battle for someone position in your child's mind when you already hold one that has been reserved for only you.